Waging War against the Black Hole

So I actually have stuff that I would like to write about and I want to do so mainly to get them the heck out of my head. But… I cannot. So I must find something else to write about. I need to find some other topic that would not offend anyone. One would assume that since I have started writing that I have something to write about. Well, today if you assumed that, you would be wrong. I have actually started writing an entry for this blog and I have no chosen topic to write about. Seems kind of pointless to write without a topic does it not? It does. But hey, look at that. Nothing to write about and I have already written the first paragraph. Go me.

I have been relatively quiet lately, especially on this blog, because I have just been busy with life. And work. Work leaves me wiped out by the end of the day. It is nice though; when I close my eyes at the end of the day, meds or no meds, I am asleep until morning. There is something I can talk about… Meds. I do not and have never liked the idea of taking the meds that I am on. I willing accepted them at the time I did because I needed something to change. I needed to try something because I was not doing it on my own. However, I am in a much different place than I was then. I have stopped taking my nighttime meds, mainly because I ran out and I need to schedule an appointment at the VA to get more.

I have been sleeping fine. No issues, no nightmares. I did have a dream about Star Trek the other night. Yes. I am fully aware of my nerdiness and I embrace it. The VA will be hard pressed to convince me to take them again unless something reverts between now and the day I go to the VA. I am a little more hesitant to stop taking the other med I am on because I do notice a difference when I miss a dose of that. I’m not entirely sure I want to fight that battle yet. But I will at some point. I need to figure out who is me again and who is the medicine.

It is amazing how far I have come in the last year. Regardless of what anyone else might think or believe, I know how different I am from the day I decided to try and come to terms with my fucked up life. I am far from perfect, far from better, but I am far from the black hole that was trying to swallow me. Every day I will continue to wage the little war that I have to I order to survive.

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