Riding the Crazy Train

Sometimes it sucks having memory issues.  I went to bed last night having something on my mind to write about but I put it off until the train ride to work this morning because I was tired.  Good news, I guess, is that I was tried even to fall asleep even with crazy thoughts running through my mind last night.  Crappy news is that it was a good topic to write about.  So instead you shall get a post with various topics and nothing to specific.  Honestly they only hold PTSD in common, everything else about what you are going to read is likely to be off the wall and driven by a boring train ride. (I found that I had more to say than originally planned so it’s all about music and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.)

I have found that music is a great tool when it comes to having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Not playing music, because I can only seem to play the piano drunk just like Peter from Family Guy, but listening to music.  I often find myself struggling to organize my thoughts or find words to say something.  I have developed a playlist of songs that seems to help much of those problems.  I have a strong dislike of dealing with strangers so having music to block out the world is a fantastic thing.  Songs, good ones at least, can have a good and strong effect on my emotions.  I don’t clearly understand the connection but the result is there none the less.  Certain songs and genres can calm me down when I’m angry, others seem to relax my anxiety, and some seem to help me concentrate.

Some songs, this one, in particular, is last to Know by Three Days Grace, seem to say what I wish I could say out loud.  The song does a very good job of explaining (at least to myself) how I feel about certain events in my life.  The other day I actually found myself listening to that song on repeat.  I just really liked how it started.  Another song, Jekyll and Hyde by Five Finger Death Punch, just does an awesome job of explaining how it feels to live under the thumb of PTSD and I know the relationship with this song fits a friend just as much as it does me.  He called it “his PTSD song” and it is a fitting title for me also.   I’m sure it is an appropriate song for many people.

In addition to verbalizing or conveying feelings I cannot, I find that it worked wonders for getting me through uncomfortable situations.  For instance, the train ride to and from work.  People want to talk to me and they sit next to me.  These M8 trains do not give much space.  Headphones generally give people notice that I don’t really want to talk to anyone.  The music also serves to block out the people sitting unnervingly close to me.  I kind of zone out to the music.  Right now, in particular, the train is exceedingly crowded and evidently bumping into people and not even apologizing is the cool thing to do.

When I starting writing this morning, I had really intended on writing about more than one thing but I guess that I have more to say about music and PTSD then I expected that I did.  To continue my real-world example started in the last paragraph of this post, even though I had a good day at work today, I am now over-analyzing and getting worked up about a meeting I have to have with someone later this evening.  This particular meeting, its unknown topic of discussion and the potential for angry disagreement has sent my anxiety hit the roof.  In addition to that, I’m finding myself particularly irritable.  Translate irritable into I really want to punch everyone on the train. The music loudly blaring into my ears from my lovely Bluetooth headphones is allowing me to concentrate on writing this instead of the concerns I have about the people around me.

If your one of the countless souls with PTSD, and music is not a source of help for you, I recommend you looking into it.  It helps me, maybe it will help you.

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