My American Dream

Many years ago on some random weekend during my time as a Californian, I found myself sitting on the diving board of some random SoCal residence having a beer induced conversation with a gentleman that I consider my brother. At this point in time (some 12 or 13 years later), I have no clue how […]

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Same dream, new cast

Little more than a week ago, an ambulance backed into my car and managed to set off the airbags. I had kids in the car and while the damage to the car was not that serious, the airbags going off lead that car to be totaled. Before I get to the positive from that, there […]

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Emotions

I have to say that this evening was probably one of the worst evenings I have had in a long time. It is even more difficult to say that knowing that the night is not over yet. Some things hit home today and they hit home much harder than I expected them too. I have […]

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Don’t get me wrong

It seems like I have been dealing with PTSD for so long now that some of my symptoms have gone seemingly dormant, I feel off. I don’t feel like myself and even though I know that is not me, that PTSD is not me. I feel like something is wrong because I do not see […]

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Waking up from a nightmare

It is difficult to wake up from a nightmare. It can be hard when you are not sure if the nightmare is reality or just another nightmare. It is disconcerting to lay there unsure if your nightmare was real, if it is over, and if the thoughts running through your head are making it worse […]

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I am an Introvert

So I have run across quite a few things recently regarding personality types and the like. Articles comparing different types or blogs stating how to care for certain personality types. Some have had useful information, some have belonged in the funny pages. I have known for a long time that I have an introvert personality […]

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Not so bad

So for the first time since being officially and legally divorced, my ex-wife, my children and I went to a hockey game together. While it was not really a bad time. I did not enjoy myself. It was for a variety of reasons really, not all my ex-wife’s doing. It was her idea to go […]

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Some Days

I sit here in a house I own slowly packing up the few things left in it that are mine. Tomorrow, my divorce will be final after what I’m sure will be several hours of me uncomfortably sitting in a courtroom with strangers. I am positive that I should be feeling some sort of emotion, […]

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Overwhelming

Overwhelmingly, humans avoid challenging their long-standing beliefs, tastes and opinions. We prefer something we know instead of seeking new experiences.  I am proof positive of this fact and this fact is a big issue with PTSD.  For over 7 years, thanks to my PTSD, I have held a certain set of beliefs in myself, in […]

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Dear John and Kevin

Dear John and Kevin, As I stand here in the doorway to your bedroom, staring at your empty beds, I realize how much I miss you when you are with your mother. My life is much to quiet without you around and it’s no wonder why I find you two to be my anchors in […]

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