Not so bad

So for the first time since being officially and legally divorced, my ex-wife, my children and I went to a hockey game together. While it was not really a bad time. I did not enjoy myself. It was for a variety of reasons really, not all my ex-wife’s doing. It was her idea to go to the hockey game with the boys. She felt it would be good for the boys to see us all together. While I do not disagree I do think that it is more likely to be confusing for them at this point. I also really dislike having to answer my boys when they ask me if I am staying at the house tonight. It breaks my heart.

The other big reason I did not enjoy the game is that I didn’t feel all the comfortable. I still dislike large crowds. I was okay for a while (mainly because there was a large number of veterans in the crowd for military appreciation night and that seemed to appease my anxiety) until the little kids in the row behind us starting kicking the back of our seats. It broke my attention to the came and just started to raise my anxiety to an uncomfortable level to the point where I became more concerned with possible things that could be happening that what was actually happening.

Like I said, overall it was not a failure of an outing, but I wish I had turned down the invitation. It is bad enough I have been spending a lot of time at the house lately to get it ready to sell, I do not think its good for my boys at the moment. I am also slightly annoyed about that house. I did most of the work to move us into that house and I guess she is going to push my buttons enough to make me do most of the work to move us out of that house. She knows I want the house sold. It is really the last remaining issue between us. The ex-wife just cannot make things easy I guess.

Ok. On a lighter note, I saw my primary care doc the other day, the first time since she got me into therapy at the VA and other than the discussion that I’m healthy and just chubby, she asked me if I had started dating yet. While my answer was no because I am not ready for that yet. I would like to know if it is it wrong that the first thing that popped into my thoughts was asking her on a date? She is pretty cute and definitely close to my age. My CPT doc was pretty cute too, except o would not want to date someone moving back to Texas and that looks like someone I used to work with. Maybe I can ask for a new doctor and then ask her out. (Is that allowed Shannon?)

So what’s next for me? Well. I want to buy a house. To buy a house, I have to sell a house. I need winter to be over to I can get my behind back to work, I enjoyed working at the boatyard and I have not really paid attention to how much I miss working there. Sooner we get warm weather, sooner we get to go back to work.

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