Dear John and Kevin

Dear John and Kevin,

As I stand here in the doorway to your bedroom, staring at your empty beds, I realize how much I miss you when you are with your mother. My life is much to quiet without you around and it’s no wonder why I find you two to be my anchors in my life. You are my world and I would do anything for you. The short five years that you two have been in my life have brought me unimaginable happiness. Your not old enough to understand it yet, but you two amazing boys have saved my life. You brought me back from the brink of death and you gave me the courage to fix myself and the motivation to right my ship.

I wish that one day you are able to read this and understand that I never meant to hurt you with anything that I have to deal with. I had tried my hardest to shield you from my problems. I hope, I truly hope that you understand that no matter what happens between your mother and me, you will always be the most important things in my life. Even if I am not always with you, if you need me, I will be there. Anytime, day or night.

I want to thank you for giving me the strength to start healing my wounds. I know that I am doing this for myself as much as I am doing it for you. But how could I enjoy my life with you boys the way I was. Daddy will always have his bad days but he has learned new things to help him. When you are old enough, the three of us can sit by a fire and drink a beer together and I’ll answer any questions you have. You deserve to know and when your ready, you will get the unfiltered truth.

I want to thank you for saving my life. Around the time I found out that your mother was pregnant with you both, it gave me a reason not to be stupid with my life. Since you were born and since I first held you in my arms, every time that my demons were starting to overcome me, all I had to do to bring myself back from the brink was look at you too. You were, you are and you always will be my reason for living. I hope you understand how valuable that is to me.

It has only been a few months since your fifth birthday and time is flying by way too fast. You guys are growing up right before my eyes and I dislike missing a single moment of your lives. If I do half a good a job raising you as your grandpa did raising me, the world is in for a special treat when you two grow up. You two will be the most remarkable young men to walk this earth and I’m grateful that I am your father. I love you both.


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